Okay, last entry on golden-caramel malty goodness. As our aptly named John Walker reminds me, I haven't touched on mixers and that is an unforgivable
oversight on my part, for the Catwoman analogies alone.
We begin with simple dogma: anything that touches the sacred malt as it flows from the cask of plenty is evil. DON'T.
Drawing on the analogy I have used in the forums about Brubaker, Miller and company:
If you add a drop of champagne to a vat of piss, it's piss.
If you add a drop of piss to a vat of champagne, it's piss.
I don't think anyone capable of reading this far should need that explained as analogy, but I'll elaborate privately if needed. Right now, we're talking literal truth. A single malt scotch like fine champagne is a precious liquid. I don't mean just in terms of what you youself paid for it, I mean in the sense that the bottle you just opened, they started making that before you were born. This is literally the product of a generations - first perfecting the process and then producing THAT very limited amount of liquid from that particular year. You want to taste and savor IT in all of its glory. You do not want to taste COCA COLA! If you understand that principle, then you should be able to step back and see that ginger ale or seltzer or in many cases ice is just as bad.
Why ice? Because, to quote Alton Brown, things pick up some funky smells in freezers. That's why the plastic things that let you insert "ice" into your drink without diluting it with water as it melts are just as bad. Diluting isn't the problem. We will actually see that there is nothing wrong with mildly diluting the best of malts. The problem is the subtle introduction of tastes and odors that neither God or the distillers put in there. (Secondarily, "cold" sort of chokes off flavor, so if you really want to soak up every nuance, you don't want scotch (or wine) to ever get all that cold.)
Now, here is the good news: water is allowed, if it's not going to add taste. True Scottish connoisseurs do it like this. This is a proper tasting glass for single malts:
We begin with simple dogma: anything that touches the sacred malt as it flows from the cask of plenty is evil. DON'T.
Drawing on the analogy I have used in the forums about Brubaker, Miller and company:
If you add a drop of champagne to a vat of piss, it's piss.
If you add a drop of piss to a vat of champagne, it's piss.
I don't think anyone capable of reading this far should need that explained as analogy, but I'll elaborate privately if needed. Right now, we're talking literal truth. A single malt scotch like fine champagne is a precious liquid. I don't mean just in terms of what you youself paid for it, I mean in the sense that the bottle you just opened, they started making that before you were born. This is literally the product of a generations - first perfecting the process and then producing THAT very limited amount of liquid from that particular year. You want to taste and savor IT in all of its glory. You do not want to taste COCA COLA! If you understand that principle, then you should be able to step back and see that ginger ale or seltzer or in many cases ice is just as bad.
Why ice? Because, to quote Alton Brown, things pick up some funky smells in freezers. That's why the plastic things that let you insert "ice" into your drink without diluting it with water as it melts are just as bad. Diluting isn't the problem. We will actually see that there is nothing wrong with mildly diluting the best of malts. The problem is the subtle introduction of tastes and odors that neither God or the distillers put in there. (Secondarily, "cold" sort of chokes off flavor, so if you really want to soak up every nuance, you don't want scotch (or wine) to ever get all that cold.)
Now, here is the good news: water is allowed, if it's not going to add taste. True Scottish connoisseurs do it like this. This is a proper tasting glass for single malts:
As a rule, they will drink to the half way mark straight, and then add bottled or spring water, ideally from the region where the scotch was made, and
refill back up to the original line, so it is now about a 50-50 mix. By that time, your palate is used to the full strength, and this becomes an entirely
new "movement" in a symphony where the themes and trills are well known to you.
This is also the point where you can bring down the temperature a bit if you wish. Chill that decanter of water (over ice, not in a refrigerator - more funky smells in the fridge!) to add a bit of chill to the scotch. Very meow.
Now, unless you are Bruce, with the resources and the patience to break in bartenders all over town about what scottish spring waters to stock, what to use? Well, chances are, if you're living in the U.S. your tap water is FINE. If you can make tea with it, then give it a shot. Otherwise, just about any of the real spring waters (that means not bottled by Coke and Pepsi) will do.
(Oh, before we leave the subject, there are those who feel their delicate nostrils are too sensitive to expose to full strength scotch. I hope we can all agree that they are pussies.
)
Okay, so what about mixed drinks? That's what the cheap brands are for. If you're going to have a Derby Fizz or whatever that horror was that Jervis ordered once upon a time, then the house brands are fine and Johnny Walker Red Label is the highest you will ever, EVER go. Even at that, if powder sugar is involved, I say leave the striding man out of it.
This is also the point where you can bring down the temperature a bit if you wish. Chill that decanter of water (over ice, not in a refrigerator - more funky smells in the fridge!) to add a bit of chill to the scotch. Very meow.
Now, unless you are Bruce, with the resources and the patience to break in bartenders all over town about what scottish spring waters to stock, what to use? Well, chances are, if you're living in the U.S. your tap water is FINE. If you can make tea with it, then give it a shot. Otherwise, just about any of the real spring waters (that means not bottled by Coke and Pepsi) will do.
(Oh, before we leave the subject, there are those who feel their delicate nostrils are too sensitive to expose to full strength scotch. I hope we can all agree that they are pussies.
)
Okay, so what about mixed drinks? That's what the cheap brands are for. If you're going to have a Derby Fizz or whatever that horror was that Jervis ordered once upon a time, then the house brands are fine and Johnny Walker Red Label is the highest you will ever, EVER go. Even at that, if powder sugar is involved, I say leave the striding man out of it.





