Worst Fanfic Ever?

0 Kudo

Author	Comment
JabberwockyPie	Worst Fanfic Ever?		Lead	[-]
Posts: 53 12/14/07 13:09	Tags : None I'm sure we've all read some pretty awful stories, but sometimes one really just sticks out in your memory. I said in one Cat Tales review that a horrible JLA story had turned me off fanfiction for a long time before I started reading Cat Tales. I looked it up again, just to see if it was as bad as I remembered when I read it four years ago. It was. I could link to it if I wanted to, but I'd rather spare you all the pain. (A friend at the time recommended them to me. Looking back, I wonder if she was trying to make my brain shutdown in self-defense.) This "epic" was called Generations. There were eight stories spaced ten years apart - 2005, 2015, 2025, etc. up to 2075. As everyone knows, getting married and having a bunch of kids is everyone's idea of happiness eyeroll so that's what happens. A lot. As per fanfiction regulations, everyone's kids are either named after someone or just random names the author likes (and possibly intends to inflict on future children). Bruce and Diana's kids are: Thomas, Faith, Clark, Jason, Grace, Monica, and Dawn. And at the end of the last one, Diana's pregnant again. Of course, the one named Jason ends up being evil (because he's named Jason) and he runs off to a desert island somewhere where Joker is living. Then Joker dies, and Jason comes back years later and kills his oldest brother and sister before getting killed himself. Well Wonder Woman is immortal, but Bruce isn't, and since the series spans several decades, he's getting pretty old, as is Lois. Much angst is had by all. Oh, and Talia is an evil stalker! (Okay, we knew that part.) But she works with Lex Luthor to create this Super Special Magical Lazarus Pit where one dip will make you younger and immortal forever. So someone pushes Bruce and Lois in, but Something Goes Horribly Wrong and Lois dies. But it works on Bruce, so he and his True Love, Diana, are free to live happily ever after. And have a bunch more babies. There's some other stuff going on with the rest of the JLA, but it didn't make much sense when I read it originally and it doesn't make much sense now. Basically everyone ends up healthy and/or immortal, married, and has babies (though not as many as Batman and Wonder Woman). So what's the worst fanfic you've ever read?
My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Invite Blocking Ignore User's Posts Report Post
Random Equinox		#1	[url]	[-]
Posts: 292 12/14/07 14:59	Oh, dear. Worst fanfic that I've ever read? I'm afraid I can't answer that. One, my memory is a bit hazy. Two, to properly answer that question would involve going back and trolling through the depths to find the worst fanfic. Not quite sure if it's worth the time or, more importantly, the loss of brain cells. I do remember a few Batman-related fanfics that I remember starting, but later stopping due to the way it was progressing. There was one Batman/Harry Potter crossover where the daughter of Bruce and Selina (three guesses what she was named) went to Hogwarts (naturally). As I recall, the constant emphasis on the Bat-family always being right, yanking every other JLA member (or wife of JLA member) into the story, the lack of any concept of secret identities whatsoever, and, since this involved a HP fanfic, certain "bad guy" characters being irredeemable and certain "bad guy" characters who were reformed (off screen, conveniently). I think there were a number of sequels, but I couldn't get past the first one (I'm not even sure if I finished it or not...no, I did. And apparently the daughter of Psycho-Bat is quite chummy with the Rogues, too. Of course.). And then there was that Batman fanfic where Batman hired a bunch of new sidekicks (all of whom were superpowered). It relied on the typical "use superpowers to beat down the bad guys" gimmick. Now, this could work in other settings when supported with other elements, but it gets stale rather quickly when it's the only element used. The last straw was when Batman donned an powered exoskeleton suit and proceeded to kill one of the bad guys. Yep. Batman. Supersuit. Killed the criminal. The story's still ongoing, as far as I know, but I couldn't go any further. Oh, brain cells just sparked a memory: friend used to read a ton of TV-related fanfics. Curiously, they all seemed to follow the same trend: 1) Girl bumps into [insert guy], after not seeing him for some period of time. 2) Girl tries to ignore [insert guy] because, the last time she saw him, he was an obnoxious, self-absorbed jerk. 3) Girl becomes enamored of [insert some good guy] while ignoring obnoxious self-absorbed jerk. 4) [Insert guy/jerk] turns out to be a pretty good guy after all. Either he's incredibly sweet, understanding, helpful, kind, thoughtful and all-around perfect right off the bat, or those qualitiies rapidly rise to the surface. 5) At approximately the same time [Insert guy/jerk] is revealing excellent qualities, [insert some good guy] turns out to be a jerk. 6) Girl encounters a series of problems, some of which are personal, some of which are academic/work-related (depends on whether this is set in the present or near future). By now, you can probably predict the rest. 7) [Insert guy] helps girl through these problems. 8) Girl is fighting her rapidly rising attraction for [insert guy] by constantly repeating [insert guy]'s jerk-like qualities. 8a) [Insert guy] may relapse into former jerk, which exacerbates Step 6). 9) Girl finally realizes that [insert guy] is perfect for her and gives in to her desires. 10) Cue the violins. 11) Repeat 8), 8a), 9) and 10) as needed. 12) Marriage (optional). OK, I have to stop before I hit the point of no return. If you'll excuse me, I need to find some bleach. Or booze. Whatever works.
My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Invite Blocking Ignore User's Posts Report Post
Chris Dee		#2	[url]	[-]
Posts: 796 12/14/07 17:56
My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Invite Blocking Ignore User's Posts Report Post
DorothyTRose		#3	[url]	[-]
Posts: 219 12/14/07 21:08	coughs Thanks for reminding me.... Now I shall pass on the pain: Batman. Joker. Slash. Worse, I didn't see it coming (probably b/c there was no set-up and/or explanation, though I honestly don't remember) until I was like...Woah! Wait!!! What the freaking heck?!!! Don't remember where I found it, other than Fanfiction.net and, no, I didn't finish it. I'm still scrubbing my brain, trying to eradicate the polution. >_<;;; "Always the detective." "Ever the boy scout."
My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Invite Blocking Ignore User's Posts Report Post
Random Equinox		#4	[url]	[-]
Posts: 292 12/15/07 00:46	Speaking of Fanfiction.net...no...I decided to be as brief as possible. Albus Dumbledore/Minerva McGonagall romance one-shots. Yes, I started; no, I'm not providing links. Weasley brother/sister romance fics. The mere fact that they exist was enough for me to close the window and reach for the bleach. Speaking of which, I need another dose... Man, this is getting bad...
My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Invite Blocking Ignore User's Posts Report Post
Abaddon8780		#5	[url]	[-]
Posts: 345 12/15/07 08:46 Titans Together!	I'm sensing a trend here. I think it's safe to say that Harry Potter shippers are scary. Worst fanfics for me? Woof, I don't think I can narrow it down to one. I can however narrow down the circumstances: 1.) Any fic in which the author says in the opening notes that she hates what J.K. Rowling did in the last two books, so here's her answer. Typically, it's a downward spiral from there. 2.) Any fic where Jean Grey acts like a complete bitch. Honestly, I have no clue where the irrational hatred comes from. You'll find this in badly written stories from Rogue/Gambit fangirls. 3.) Any Batman slash story. And for my next trick, I shall gouge out my eyes with a spork. Top that, Tnuc. 4.) The infamous "I Can Change Him!" Mary-Sue. Yes, Joker is evil, no, you can't change him. Have some Smilex and go away. "And sometimes," Tim muttered, "it's like living with a bunch of second graders." -Learning Curve
My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Invite Blocking Ignore User's Posts Report Post
JabberwockyPie		#6	[url]	[-]
Posts: 53 12/15/07 10:35	I'm sensing a trend here. I think it's safe to say that Harry Potter shippers are scary. Yes. Yes, they are. 1.) Any fic in which the author says in the opening notes that she hates what J.K. Rowling did in the last two books, so here's her answer. Typically, it's a downward spiral from there. Yeah, those "I know better than the actual author fics" are almost always bad. I don't always include fics based on comics in that because almost all professional comics are fanfiction anyway. Unless you're the original creator of the character, it's fanfiction. Professionally published fanfiction, but still fanfiction. (And as so many of us know, some of the "fan authors" employed by DC and Marvel are on the same level as the ones at fanfiction.net who write Weasley-cest orgies.) 2.) Any fic where Jean Grey acts like a complete bitch. Honestly, I have no clue where the irrational hatred comes from. You'll find this in badly written stories from Rogue/Gambit fangirls. You mean "badly written" and "Rogue/Gambit" aren't the same thing? (I don't care about the pairing either way, but trying to read the "southern" accents makes my head hurt. When one of them is paired with someone else, at least the other character will use something approaching real English.) 3.) Any Batman slash story. And for my next trick, I shall gouge out my eyes with a spork. Top that, Tnuc. My eyes, my eyes. Batman/Joker slash sounds like it's pretty much as horrifying as you can get. (Joker having sex period is not something you want to hear about.) I did see Batman/Scarecrow after Batman Begins came out. Do you think Jonathan would be pleased at the sheer terror those stories caused or horrified himself? 4.) The infamous "I Can Change Him!" Mary-Sue. Yes, Joker is evil, no, you can't change him. Have some Smilex and go away. Okay, some villains are hot, and I can sort of understand some of the "I Can Change Him!" Mary Sues. They're not GOOD by any means, but it's a phase. They're the kind of thing someone writes at about age 14. Hopefully you grow up and realize how stupid that plot is. I'm trying to wrap figure out how someone can find JOKER attractive.
My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Invite Blocking Ignore User's Posts Report Post
Jarissa Paxton		#7	[url]	[-]
Posts: 548 12/17/07 06:16	JabberwockyPie wrote: You mean "badly written" and "Rogue/Gambit" aren't the same thing? (I don't care about the pairing either way, but trying to read the "southern" accents makes my head hurt. When one of them is paired with someone else, at least the other character will use something approaching real English.) Back in the mid-nineties there was one that was very good indeed. I remember that the B-plot involved Gambit pointing out to Rogue that there are 154763452786432121 different ways that a healthy, mutually supportive couple could get around her touching problem, and "body condoms" are just one of the first few options that sprang to mind the first time she angsted away at him about it, on the roof of the school. He's been waiting for her to decide she'd rather solve her problem and move on to a happy life with him, instead of reveling in her misery. Only now, he's finally faced up to the fact that she does not really want to be happy ... at least, not with him. He walks off to go deal with the Major Villain of the Week, a homebrewed Evil Mutant type whose name I forgot years ago, and leaves Rogue flipping out because Remy didn't say whether he's calling it quits or he's going to keep waiting for her forever or ... And that, of course, was the author's point: the self-absorbed drama queen Rogue-esque girls and boys of the world turn everything into being about themselves, even a bald statement like "listen, MY needs aren't being met either in this relationship". I thought it was awesome, even saved it to my offline archives for a future example of How This Oughta Work. And then my computer blew a gasket: the phone line got hit by lightning as I was in the middle of doing a system backup. Computer was a paperweight, and I later found that the backup disks were salted with bad sectors. By the time I could afford to get it fixed, rec.arts.comics.marvel.X-books had changed quite a bit, half the names of regular posters were totally unfamiliar to me, and all the Cool Kids had migrated to something called the "Subreality Cafe", which everybody knew what was meant by that but I had no freakin' clue. It was kind of like not knowing the address for Vault, come to think of it, and seeing the shell of the Iceberg full of discount golf-clubs-and-bewbs kiosks. I was so frustrated over having lost a year that I gave up after an evening of increasingly ludicrous Yahoo searches. Never have remembered enough of the story to make Google or any other search engine produce it. . Anyway! Worst fanfic I ever read had been stripped of its original header and submitted as the "archivist's" own work, replete with NO WARNING WHATSOEVER. It was lesbian torture campyTVshow Batgirl porn. Chapter eleven or something. Oh Great Merciful Divine, my eyes; I saw an entire screenful, an awful lot of words instantaneously imprinted on my brain, and let me tell you, that equation about the picture being more than a lousy five to seven paragraphs is woefully wrong. Second-worst fanfic I ever read was a Hercules: The Legendary Journeys/Highlander crossover. It would've just been middling-bad, but it was written by a pair of professional authors whose other work -- published and unpublished, licensed and original -- are among the best in the current Light Sci-Fi/Fantasy business. I expected better, and couldn't believe my own judgment when I hated it by the third chapter; I had to be wrong, these folks know what they're doing, surely I'll gain true appreciation once I've read it all the way through. Yeah. If you ever happen to run into novel-length fanfic by a good, solid, pro author who does a great job writing heroic fic, and this novel-length fanfic presents itself as a cross between Highlander and Hercules ... don't click. Pick something else. It's their one fatal flaw, I guess. Edit: Oh, and how could I forget the MotU fanfics that tried to prove that they were better than "The Sorcerer of Grayskull"? See, mine isn't a Marty Stu because I'm not writing about a single character replacing the Sorceress and He-Man both: I'm writing about {a whole family doing it/Important Supporting Character being the only survivor of the whole cast and recovering form his/her grief by having hot fudge sundaes with me/Random Favorite Character getting mad enough to go axemurder all the villains and be done with it/shopping.for eight pages.for post-Ball strollingwear/singing something that's totally okay exactly because it ISN'T "Total Eclipse of the Heart"}. Hang on, I need to clear some space on my desk so I can beat that back out of my forebrain. I'm one of those people who "hear" every letter of each word as I read them, and how they shape one another; so, yes, I'm going to totally miss a reasonable point if it's discussing makeup instead of knaves. Not that there aren't some hilarious correlations! Anyway, please be patient with me on this. Last Edited By: Jarissa Paxton 12/17/07 06:34. Edited 1 time.
My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Invite Blocking Ignore User's Posts Report Post
Chris Dee		#8	[url]	[-]
Posts: 796 12/17/07 08:59	Jarissa Paxton wrote: Hang on, I need to clear some space on my desk so I can beat that back out of my forebrain. I feel it's time for an important reminder about Vogon poetry: the slightly more clear-headed will wish it's the VOGON that had never been born. Anyway, I know I haven't contributed much here. We used to have a feature called Bad Monkeys where I purged myself of the really bad stuff. The worst chonicled in that feature was *Sword of {something}; Sands of Blood. And while I'm not 100% sure, I think the "Sword of Something" was a metaphor for the male... well, duh. Now, my memory is pretty fuzzy but it was Batman/Talia... kinda. The author had done everything she could to emasculate Bruce for the greater glory of Nightwing... Nightwing whom Ra's had replaced with an evil duplicate for reasons never quite explained (presumably "We can't HANDLE the truth!") and by means unknown and unknowable. I think he, the evil Nightwing, might have raped Barbara, but, to be honest, I was on emergency cranial power by then. Four lone synapses kept my breathing and blinking going, and everybody else was in hiding wherever it is brain cells go to hide until it's over. Why, you ask? Didn't I mention that this was before ffnet got rid of the NC-17 stuff? Yep, this little epic was porn. What can I really say about the sex scenes with drugged-out-of-his-gord Bruce and the spawn trying to make that heir while Ra's was in the room directing traffic?* I remember something about toes wriggling (which does explain why Ra's assistance, while disturbing, might have been necessary) and a "lover's glory trail" of bodyhair. As you may expect, I pretty much blocked out everything after that. Sorry, I was going to go on to discuss the Bruce-Diana subject, but I need some time to recover from the above. The flashbacks. Oh god, the flashbacks. --Chris Dee Power corrupts. Absolute power corrupts absolutely. Superpowers corrupts - superbly. --Identity Element Last Edited By: Chris Dee 12/17/07 12:20. Edited 5 times.
My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Invite Blocking Ignore User's Posts Report Post
Penny for Thoughts		#9	[url]	[-]
Posts: 40 12/17/07 18:59	OK, I may be a "red-blooded male," but some of this hardcore stuff sure ain't my cup of tea, if you know what I mean. My vote goes to any Harry Potter time travel fanfics where Harry Potter goes back in time, all uber-poewrful, descendant of Gryffindor or whatever, can do anything and gets away with it cuz he's Harry Potter, goddamnit. And of course, Draco, Snape, Umbridge, the Ministry, and anyone who isn't with him is automatically against him.
My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Invite Blocking Ignore User's Posts Report Post
DorothyTRose		#10	[url]	[-]
Posts: 219 12/17/07 23:29	Oh yes! I just remembered another one, which I promise will not give you nightmares to read about (I must be a masochist to look forward to reading this thread), but it's still an appauling example of fanfiction. It started out as a very nice and actually interesting story about Alucard from Castlevania. About three or so chapters in, there was a totally OOC bedroom scene followed by a rather lengthy and mostly pointless monologue of a biological nature. I believe the chapter was even titled "Biology Lesson". Fortunately, that ended eventually and the plot continued to a point until the whole story broke down into thirds: English, German, and what we can only presume is Latin. As an English reader, you seriously had to gloss over large sections of the story b/c it was in another language. In the middle of all this trilingual stuff, the author adds a footnote that said something along the lines of, "I don't even know why I'm writing this. I hate Alucard." ... Me neither. Out of morbid curiousity, I did finish the story, but I can't actually remember how it ended. shrugs It was unimpressive, pourly written, and not even loved by its own creator--the worst literary crime of all. "Always the detective." "Ever the boy scout." Last Edited By: DorothyTRose 12/17/07 23:38. Edited 1 time.
My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Invite Blocking Ignore User's Posts Report Post
Chris Dee		#11	[url]	[-]
Posts: 796 12/18/07 08:48	In the middle of all this trilingual stuff, the author adds a footnote that said something along the lines of, "I don't even know why I'm writing this. I hate Alucard." I'm reminded of the Noel Coward era actor breaking character and addressing a woman in the audience who had been chattering throughout the show. "Madame, have you no unexpressed thoughts?" --Chris Dee Power corrupts. Absolute power corrupts absolutely. Superpowers corrupts - superbly. --Identity Element
My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Invite Blocking Ignore User's Posts Report Post
year of the cat.gothampm		#12	[url]	[-]
Posts: 134 12/31/07 05:26 Gothamite	What, you mean besides Anne Rice? Other than the Lord Byron/Shelley RPF that is Interview with the Vampire, I would have to say the Catwoman/Robin rapefic, or the one that makes me hide under the bed: Zombie!Jason /Bruce. When did molesting underage boys become the Holy Grail of, well, Tail? If you answer, please don't link for the love of God and... Whoops! I forgot that someone on another message board asked for Alfred/Lucien Fox fic, if you can believe it. I'd normally say; Top That!, but.
My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Invite Blocking Ignore User's Posts Report Post
Abaddon8780		#13	[url]	[-]
Posts: 345 12/31/07 13:16 Titans Together!	Ulgh, I think I'm going to go get an early start on my drinking now... Oh, and I forgot. Harry Potter/Batman crossovers. Never a good idea. I saw one the other day and it was just...wow. It was a trainwreck taken literary form. No character development, poor structuring, poor plot, poor...everything. Now, about that drinking... "And sometimes," Tim muttered, "it's like living with a bunch of second graders." -Learning Curve
My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Invite Blocking Ignore User's Posts Report Post
JabberwockyPie		#14	[url]	[-]
Posts: 53 01/02/08 16:25	When did molesting underage boys become the Holy Grail of, well, Tail? I think it's Fredric Werthram's fault. Writing The Seduction of the Innocent basically made him the first Batman/Robin slasher. (Not something he'd be happy about, I'm sure.)
My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Invite Blocking Ignore User's Posts Report Post
Igor.gothampm		#15	[url]	[-]
Posts: 805 01/03/08 06:58 Books. Cats. Life is GOOD
My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Invite Blocking Ignore User's Posts Report Post
The Thundering Monkey	So many badfics so little time.	#16	[url]	[-]
Posts: 834 03/13/08 09:51	I'm drawing a blank on actual titles, except maybe Chris "Swords of Darkness, Sands of Blood" which, if I remember had Bruce poisoned with a drug that would make his heart explode if he didn't fire off a salvo of little bruces into Talia's moist and quivering womanhood. Erk. I generally pull the ejection lever as soon as I see certain signs, so let me instead go with types of fiction. Biggest pet peeve is Bad guy redemption fics. There are 2 kinds of fictional bad guys to my mind, the kind you hate and the kind you don't. Take Joker; one of the earliest bat books I ever read was "The Killing Joke" graphic novel. As a character, he crossed a line in my mind. I felt like someone had shot my sister then mocked her while she bled. There can be no forgiveness there. If he were to become immortal and spend the next millenium doing pure acts of goodness and mercy it would not mitigate my hate for him. The other type of bad guy is the one that never crosses that line in your mind. Take the character of Spike from the BTVS series. Also a unapologetic killer, but the difference I think is that he never permanently or significantly harms anybody you care about. His personality is such that you never even really dislike him. In later seasons when he became a good guy, you could even except that it could happen like that. Another one is Usurper fic. Thats where someone writes a story that is ostensibly a Batman story or a Superman story, but is really all about the authors new character who is usually a fantasy version of themselves moving into the heroes town and surpassing him in every way Ie. In Metropolis suddenly a strange new hero calling himself Omni-Man begins beating Superman to every rescue and doing it with class. Apparently he has all of Superman's powers and none of his weaknesses. Meanwhile Lane Conners, Billionaire Investment Banker and new owner of the Daily planet arrives and begins romancing Lois who's suddenly having feelings stronger than anything she ever felt for Clark. Often the arrival of the new character marks a new era of impotence and assholish behavior for the old hero. Sometimes its not enough just to move in and supplant the original hero, sometimes they have to steal his glory for themselves as well... "..As Harry's patronus flickered out Bryce reallized he would have to act to save his favorite bookworm. As Harry collapsed with a whimper, Bryce threw off his invisibility cloak and cast his most powerful patronus! A golden Lion errupted from his wand driving the dementors away and disentigrating several on the spot.." Great guy that Bryce... They should write a book about him. Lastly any story where good girls fall for, end up with, sleep with, lust after, extinguish ect. a Type I bad guy or Pre-redemtion Type II bad guy. Luckily, as with the rattlesnake, these stories often come equipt with warning signs. Things like GW/DM or HG/SS or Catwoman/Ra's al Ghul. You can tell at a glance, that you and the author have such fundamental disagreements on the order of the universe that there's just no way you'll enjoy the story. In a sane and rational universe some types of people just aren't allowed to breed. Let their genes die with them. Oookay..I think that strayed from the point a bit. So in conclusion. Swords of Darkness/ Sands of Blood worst story ever. Except the one where Batman and Catwoman switched bodies, she knocked him up, and he bought lingerie. Moderator's note: this post was somehow corrupted during a 4/21 edit by the original author. This edit is merely removing garbage tags that prevented the text displaying. No other alterations have been made. Last Edited By: support 04/21/08 16:52. Edited 5 times.
My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Invite Blocking Ignore User's Posts Report Post

<< Previous Topic Next Topic >>

Yuku free message boards

Worst Fanfic Ever?

Worst Fanfic Ever?

Quick Reply